Sometimes you have to break all of your rules. Enjoy just this fleeting instant, without an attempt to influence the path of your life going forward. Drink the wine, eat the gelato, sleep too much, be thrown by the waves and accept how powerless you are in their domain.
And once you’ve done that, you can better define who you are, without the need to explain why you came to that conclusion. You tasted the suchness of your interior life on your terms and now you can bring that back to the exterior life you live daily, letting it better point your compass in the direction only you were meant to go.